The Bikini Photo

This isn't so much a confession.... but it kind of is because I'm posting a no-filter bathing suit bathroom selfie for all of the internet to see. 

There have been times in my life where I wouldn't have taken $10,000 to do something this scary.

This weekend I went shopping with the mission to find a bathing suit. Temperatures have been getting warmer and I am feeling that invite coming along any time now for a friend to ask me over for a swim. 

Rather than anxiety later, I decided that Memorial Day weekend sales would be in my favor as I went to look for my first bathing suit purchase in over 10 years. 

That's not an exaggeration. 

Victory #1 - I didn't cry. 

Victory #2 - I didn't settle on something "more modest"

Victory #3 - I was honest about the sizes I needed (top L, bottoms XL)

Victory #4 - I bought a freakin' swim suit (and actually bought three)

Victory #5 - That smile on my face. Right there. 

Drop the mic. I'm out. 

(ps - this was from Old Navy but I can't find it online)

Link up with Kathy, won't you?

Making a Comeback

I can't think of a more perfect Monday post than how to make a comeback on your healthy living mission. 

This post was inspired by a beautiful lady I've met through blogging - and hopefully helps some of you to get out of the "rut" that you feel like you've fallen into. 

The first and trickiest thing you need to understand about getting back onto the fitness train is understanding that there's no stops. If you really want to make a difference in your life, the only ticket you can buy goes one-way. Like you know and like I've said before, this journey is not temporary. It's not for those who want a quick fix to drop 10lbs for swim season. 

It's for those who want their skin to glow. For those who know they are worth the change and worth seeing themselves as the new and improved versions. For those who want to feel 5, 10 or 20 years younger than their actual age.

Ready?

1. Decide to Succeed!

So much of this journey is rooted in your mental commitment. It's so "easy" to self-sabotage and let your mind play games with you when you don't have a defense against it. The best ammo is a contract you've signed with yourself that says "I WILL succeed. I CAN do this. I AM worth it."

This decision is vital to your success. It's the decision that will keep your hand out of the bag of potato chips. It's the decision that will keep you to actually only one scoop of ice cream rather than getting knuckle deep into the carton of mint chocolate chip.

It's your foundation. Start here.

A big help in making the decision to succeed is discovering first why you want to succeed.

2. Realize that you don't need a Miracle, you just need a Plan.

No matter who you are and no matter how far you are from your goals, it's critical to realize that you don't need a miracle, you just need a plan.

A plan! How simple! Anyone can do that!

A meal plan, a workout plan, a plan on how you're going to drink enough water every single day.

This can be something you create for yourself or something you get help with online. Whatever it looks like for you, planning can help get you on the right track to the commitment you made in step #1 and will be the best asset for you to be organized as you make potentially significant life changes.

3. Toss the Junk - Introduce the Healthy.

I've mentioned before how critical it is for you to toss the junk from your home to be successful.

Even more important is to introduce the healthy things and to keep them in the forefront of your mind.

I've got reminders of my healthy lifestyle everywhere I look around my house. It may look like clutter, but the dumbbells and the yoga mat and the tennis shoes and the kettlebell all remind me of the commitment I've made. At work, the high desk and the big glass of water are frequent reminders to stop sitting all day and to make trips to the water cooler and the restroom.

Make it almost annoying but make it significant because get ready - it's all you'll think about.

4. Enlist your Helpers.

So many people feel ashamed to admit that they need a partner to join them on their fitness journey.

Stop this - stop feeling ashamed - stop making this an excuse. There are so many resources out there and so many support groups - if this wasn't what people needed, these wouldn't exist. Needing a partner in fitness is no different than needing a partner in life.

It's a basic human need and shouldn't make you feel embarrassed.

Find them. I'm here for you, your Facebook friends are here for you, there's tons of nice instagram strangers that are here for you, that nice girl you always see at the gym the same time as you who has the cute headphones is here for you. People want to see you succeed and they're all around you - just ask them for help. Trust me.

5. Do it. 

You have your commitment, your plan, your ammunition and your helpers. Now it's time to follow the path you've set out for yourself and make the changes in your life you've been ready for.

Compared to steps 1-4, this is the fun part and where all of the magic happens.

And when all else fails, I'm here to help <3

Weekend Challenge - Clean out the Junk

Alright, the same rules from Easter weekend apply - I want you to have a few mimosas this weekend with your family for mother's day (or while you're skyping with mom from afar).

Onto business...and your weekend challenge!

When I talk to people about what their goals are and what they're doing to help clean up their act, many people refer to three main things getting in their way:

- Grazing, snacking, boredom/emotional eating

- Not having a grip on portion control

- Not LOVING their workout (aka you haven't yet found your soulmate)

This weekend I'm going to give you an assignment that won't CURE #1, but will really help out with the way that you handle grazing, snacking, boredom and emotional eating. 

You and/or your roommate, significant other, alter ego will hate me for this but my challenge to you is to TOSS OUT all of the crap that's in your pantry. 

You know what the junk is. 

The wheat thins, the potato chips, the tortilla chips, the sugar, the ice cream, the oreo's, the nonsense. 

I did this activity when I started paleo. While it wasn't easy to dump out all of my comfort snacks, it really helped when feeding time came along because I didn't have the same usual suspects lying around begging to be eaten. You know, the treats that know how to immediately stick to your hips and thighs while simultaneously making you regret the binge and lower your self worth. Bite by bite. 

When you do your big clean this weekend, tag me on instagram (@Jessifitpdx) with all the junk you're tossing out! 

There'll be a surprise in it for you! 

(okay since you're just starting out you can keep the Trader Joe's PB cups, but put them in the freezer!)

Best of luck! 

The First Summer

Last week the weather here in Portland was beautiful!

Sunny and in the 70/80's. Maxi skirts and sandals. Smiling faces and sunglasses. 

Iced coffee and sunroofs open. 

This sounds like bliss to many of you, but the past me used to be terribly afraid of unseasonal warm weather. It's like company coming over for dinner too early before you've finished with your hair and makeup - you're not ready for it. Just the thought of showing my winter body to the summer world usually scares me into an attempt at a quick-fix diet that more than anything leaves me low on energy and exhausted.

From first hand knowledge, summer is hard when you're carrying around some extra pounds and don't feel comfortable in your own skin. 

This year, thanks to taking my fitness journey one day at a time over the past few months - things are going to be different. 

This will be the first summer I look forward to 4th of July.

This will be the first summer I don't shy away from the swimming pool.

This will be the first summer I wear shorts to work (eek!) and do it stylishly (with wedges!)

This will be the first summer I don't go shopping for more light cardigans to cover up my arms. 

This will be the first summer I choose social workouts over daily patio happy hours.

This will be the first summer I allow my legs to be photographed. 

What about you, how are you going to do your summer differently this year?

Interrupting Insecurities

If you're coming over here from JumpingJE - cool, you're ahead of the curve.

If you're here just because you love the wisdom I muster up on Tuesdays, read below:

I know that there's something wrong with my priorities when yesterday (on a day off from work) I almost skimmed over a beautiful piece of writing because at first glance it looked "too long". 

"Too long" because it only had one photo and no gifs. "Too long" because it wasn't a list and it wasn't the usual shit-show I like to entertain myself with in this carefree blog world. "Too long" because it wasn't a weekend recap.

The real tragedy was that I skimmed the first few sentences and went to the bottom where I could enter my comment and was going to say something like "Lady, you're going to look amazing in your wedding dress!".

I don't know what stopped me from hitting the "post comment" button but I'm glad I did - because I would have missed out on a beautifully vulnerable girl sharing her beautifully vulnerable story.

So, if you have a few minutes to spare today - first read what I read yesterday - then you're allowed to continue on.

The inspiration for my words, like Caitlin's, comes from trying on a piece of clothing.

A bathing suit.

Not only did I try on a bathing suit that I bought in high school this weekend, I did something terrifying...

I posted the photo of myself in said bathing suit to the i n t e r n e t.

...gulp...

It was "show your progress" day in a private fitness group I run on Facebook and time to show my results over the past three weeks. When I took the "after" photo and placed it side by side with the "before" photo, I saw the results. The results I was proud of. The results that told me I'm on the right path. The results I can feel when I put my pants on and that I can feel in my newfound energy. (Not results that a scale would have told me, by the way.)

But those results still didn't feel "good enough".

My insecurities immediately looked past the girl who had a more defined waist and looked straight to the girl who still felt like her hips were too big. The girl who has strong and beautiful arms could only see the tasteful side-boob which she perceived as the dreaded spill-over. The girl who gets complimented on her legs/quads could only see the "knee fat" that is obviously impossible to spot reduce.

The negative voice in my head crippled me.

The thought of posting the photo (to a private group) made me feel like a failure.

A failure because I looked better than I did three weeks ago? A failure because I'm not where I want to be yet? A failure because I let my mind interrupt the happy feels I should have been experiencing?

What crippled me further was the thought of what I would do when I actually have to wear this bathing suit out in public - this bathing suit that proved I haven't gone bikini shopping since high school. This proof that made me realize that high school is the last time I was in a pool in a bikini rather than wearing a sports bra / running shorts combo because I "forgot to pack my suit" or "didn't want to get my hair wet".

What bothered me most was that the insecurity I felt was outweighing the pride I was supposed to be feeling.

The pride I had earned.

So like the brave woman I aspire to be, I put it out there. I let myself be vulnerable. I took a risk.

And I still live today to tell the tale.

I'm adult enough to know that this isn't the last of my insecurities - but I can bet they'll be losing more battles than they win.